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TEN COMMANDMENTS OF EUROPEAN RIVER CRUISES

11/9/2012

 
Yeah!  We have Wi-Fi.  I must hurry and post before the connection fades into oblivion again! 
The connection is not the best; I think the band width predates dial up. 

Apparently, when the travel brochure says Wi-Fi is available on the river boat, one must understand that Wi-Fi availability is contingent upon the boat being docked, or at least within range of a big city where the boat simply searches the airwaves for an open internet connection to join.  Don’t quote me on that though.    

Meanwhile, we’re out all day touring while the boat is docked, which means I’m not blogging. The boat is on the move all night when I get the chance to blog.  The Wi-Fi is spotty to say the least and totally unreliable! There’s a lesson in all this.  Maybe if I’m lucky I’ll figure it out
eventually and you'll finally get to see my next post. 
This is our first river cruise.  It won’t be our last despite the Wi-Fi issues. 

It’s a great way to travel Europe via the Rhine or Danube; it minimizes the schlepping one usually incurs while otherwise on the move.  It’s just not conducive to a working vacation.   
 
I’ll share another tidbit of information I’ve gleaned during our cruise.  When you spend 12 days on a small river boat with 140 other passengers, 20 crew members and 1 captain, it doesn’t take long to feel like the latest family reunion is well underway.  That said it’s important to remember you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family.  
Picture
Our ship was the length of 3 football fields. All the fans went wild when we scored another port city.
Uncle Harry will continue to throw spittle every time he speaks and Aunt Gertrude will undoubtedly wear too much of that same sickie sweet perfume she always wears. 
Grandma will tell the same stories she told last year and the hair growing out of grandpa’s ears will still look like ear muffs.  They’ll be the usual favorite family members and those people you’d just as soon not see again, family or otherwise.  

As the once large looking river boat begins to feel a tad claustrophobic and life in your new little community moves along literally and figuratively, some commandments (maybe all the churches we’ve been seeing brought me to today’s post) for making the most of the experience should keep everyone and everything in the proper perspective. 


1.  Thou shall be mindful of thy fellow passengers.  No cutting in line at the buffet during breakfast or lunch; no knocking over thy new neighbors when running for the first seat on the tour bus; no loud sex or loud alarms that hath the potential to cause envy or aggravation for those poor souls doomed to a fortnight of travel with thee.
Picture
Jim and I sat in the coveted first seat once during the dozen or so tours we took.
2. Thou shalt not stick head out of French balcony door while river boat is moving through the
locks.  To do so is to risk thy life and limb (or beheading) and the untimely delay of said ship’s passage for all other passengers.
Picture
Nightmare on river street.
3. Thou shalt not talk religion or politics, especially during widely publicized presidential elections or papal visits.  Thou escape options are minimal on board a small river boat.  Thou dost not want to spend the fortnight in tiny cabin avoiding new friends thou hast alienated.
Picture
We didn't see much of our room given we always had our eyes closed while we were there.
4.  Thou shalt not even whisper the words Costa Concordia while navigating the high seas or smaller rivers. This is especially important during the required safety drill when thy captain and crew are anxious to help with the proper fitting of thy life vest.

5.  At all times, thou must be gracious as is befitting a seasoned world traveler. Thou must not become alarmed when thy waiter places cloth napkin in thy lap.  His intentions are pure.  Thou must not ask for a toothpick at the end of thy meal.  No, ketchup does not go with all food groups, only cheeseburger and fries. See next commandment. 
 
6.  Thou shalt not diet while on a river cruise nor should thou order a cheeseburger and fries in lieu of the local cuisine.  Thou must try new foods, experience new cultures, make new friends; or stay home and watch the world go by on thy TV. 

7.  Thou must endeavor to take at least one tour at each port of call regardless of the early
departures.  No sitting on river boat all day knitting, reading, sleeping late or blogging (especially given the medieval Wi-Fi). 
Picture
The opera house in Vienna was music to our ears as well as all our senses.
8.  Thou shall attempt to learn the rudiments of the language of the country that thou art visiting. Hello, thank you, excuse me, where is the nearest bathroom? doth go far in bridging any conversational, constitutional, and cultural gaps.

9. Thou shalt not take more than 300 pictures on any given day of thy trip or thou shall risk excessive wear and tear of mobile phone or camera.  Otherwise thou will regret monumental task of sorting copious numbers of pictures.

10.  Thou shalt not blame tour guides, the captain or crew for bad weather during thy trip. Thou shall pack appropriate rain gear, boots, coats, gloves, and hats.  The voice of experience warns that this hast potential for putting thee over baggage weight limit.  Bring all thy old clothes and discard as you go so thou can returnth with souvenirs. 


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