LIFE IS FUNNY, ESPECIALLY THE JOURNEY!

I’m in dire need of a mental break after yesterday’s Masada post.   Who knew travel would involve so much history and mystery, so many new people and places, so much time and energy, not to mention money!  

Travel guru Rick Steves makes it all look so easy.  No airport delays, no lost luggage, no language barriers (surely he speaks at least a dozen languages!).  I bet he doesn’t even suffer jetlag!  He rarely seems to run into bad weather while globetrotting, either; or poor service and long lines usually reserved for tourists.  And while he knows all about travel via Europe’s trains, I bet he also knows the ins and outs of driving on either the left- or right-hand side of the road (he could probably manage the feat simultaneously, if needed).  Top all that off with his dry wit, and you can see why he’s my hero. 

There’s lots of advice out there when it comes to travel; lots of travel quotes, too.  Check out my Tao of Travel page for some of my favorite quotes (with pictures, I might add).  But those quotes just won’t cut it today.  Today, I need travel quotes with more zip, quotes that are cutting edge, that tell it like it really is.  

Life is funny, especially the journey.  I enjoy a good laugh, even when it's at my own expense.   

“The cool thing about being famous is traveling. I have always wanted to travel across seas, like to Canada and stuff.” -- Britney Spears

Who knew fame could cause the same fog associated with jet lag!

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"[Airline food] is the tiniest food I've ever seen in my entire life. Any kind of meat that you get — chicken, steak, anything — has grill marks on each side, like somehow we'll actually believe there's an open-flame grill in the front of the plane."  -- Ellen DeGeneres

The mystery meat in the box wasn't grilled! Bummer.

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"The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.” -- Russell Baker

Unless of course you get swept up in the Gay Pride Parade and attention is diverted elsewhere.

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"Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go." 
-- Truman Capote

Salzburg, Austria and Venice, Italy are obviously sister cities.

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"Travel works best when you're forced to come to terms with the place you're in." -- Paul Theroux

Coming to terms with a place called Guinness.

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"I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them". -- Mark Twain

Of course, there's always at least one exception to the rule: family.

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“If you look like your passport photo, you’re too ill to travel.” 
 -- Will Kommen 

Looks can be deceiving.

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"Adventure, yeah. I guess that’s what you call it when everybody comes back alive."  -- Mercedes Lackey

Ah, yes! And then there was the saga of pyramids, politics, and panhandlers.

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"Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything."      
 -- Steve Martin

Different is good, oui?

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"When you travel, remember that a foreign country is not designed to make you comfortable. It is designed to make its own people comfortable."  -- Clifton Fadiman

We may not have been comfy, but we were warm!

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"Don’t worry about the world ending today; it’s already tomorrow in Australia."   -- Charles M. Schulz 

But the sun isn't really setting; the earth is actually spinning. So what does that do to tomorrow?

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"People travel to faraway places to watch, in fascination, the kind of people they ignore at home."  -- Dagobert D. Runes

Yeah, but street musicians back home don't play with a Stradivarius, either?

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"In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language".  
 -- Mark Twain

Parlez-vous francais?

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"Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has been made in the last thirty years, many foreign people still speak foreign languages".   -- Dave Barry

There's always 'sign' language!

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"Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles."  -- Roseanne Barr

Inching our way toward Paris, moi cheri!

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“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.” -- George Carlin

I always get gas when I eat broccoli.

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"Now I know why they tell you to put your head between your knees on crash landings. You think you're going to kiss your ass good-bye".
-- Terry Hanso

Kiss all those air miles goodbye, too.

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“The major advantage of domestic travel is that, with a few exceptions such as Miami, most domestic locations are conveniently situated right here in the United States.” -- Dave Barry

Didn't the US annex Cuba years ago?