Travel guru Rick Steves makes it all look so easy. No airport delays, no lost luggage, no language barriers (surely he speaks at least a dozen languages!). I bet he doesn’t even suffer jetlag! He rarely seems to run into bad weather while globetrotting, either; or poor service and long lines usually reserved for tourists. And while he knows all about travel via Europe’s trains, I bet he also knows the ins and outs of driving on either the left- or right-hand side of the road (he could probably manage the feat simultaneously, if needed). Top all that off with his dry wit, and you can see why he’s my hero.
There’s lots of advice out there when it comes to travel; lots of travel quotes, too. Check out my Tao of Travel page for some of my favorite quotes (with pictures, I might add). But those quotes just won’t cut it today. Today, I need travel quotes with more zip, quotes that are cutting edge, that tell it like it really is.
Life is funny, especially the journey. I enjoy a good laugh, even when it's at my own expense.
“The cool thing about being famous is traveling. I have always wanted to travel across seas, like to Canada and stuff.” -- Britney Spears
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"[Airline food] is the tiniest food I've ever seen in my entire life. Any kind of meat that you get — chicken, steak, anything — has grill marks on each side, like somehow we'll actually believe there's an open-flame grill in the front of the plane." -- Ellen DeGeneres
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"The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.” -- Russell Baker
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"Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go."
-- Truman Capote
"Travel works best when you're forced to come to terms with the place you're in." -- Paul Theroux
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"I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them". -- Mark Twain
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“If you look like your passport photo, you’re too ill to travel.”
-- Will Kommen
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"Adventure, yeah. I guess that’s what you call it when everybody comes back alive." -- Mercedes Lackey
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"Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything."
-- Steve Martin
"When you travel, remember that a foreign country is not designed to make you comfortable. It is designed to make its own people comfortable." -- Clifton Fadiman
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"Don’t worry about the world ending today; it’s already tomorrow in Australia." -- Charles M. Schulz
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"People travel to faraway places to watch, in fascination, the kind of people they ignore at home." -- Dagobert D. Runes
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"In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language".
-- Mark Twain
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"Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has been made in the last thirty years, many foreign people still speak foreign languages". -- Dave Barry
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"Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles." -- Roseanne Barr
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“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.” -- George Carlin
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"Now I know why they tell you to put your head between your knees on crash landings. You think you're going to kiss your ass good-bye".
-- Terry Hanso
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“The major advantage of domestic travel is that, with a few exceptions such as Miami, most domestic locations are conveniently situated right here in the United States.” -- Dave Barry