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TUESDAY TRAVELISTA: RUE THE DAY PAY AS YOU WEIGH!

6/4/2013

 
Dear Fellow Airline Passengers,

I have a rather weighty issue to share with you today, so buckle up and listen up.  
 
I knew the day would come! There’s now an airline out there charging passengers by the pound; baggage fees and a pound of flesh fees.  Ouch, Shylock!

Weight, that can’t be! This is America, after all, the home of the brave, the free and the  fat.   Oops, I should be better at weighing my words.  I meant to say overweight!   Let’s start over.  This is the home of the brave, the free and the overweight.  According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), two-thirds of U.S. adults over twenty are overweight!  Holy red velvet cupcake with cream cheese frosting!  I’m not pointing any fat fingers, mind you; especially given I’m part of that obscene count.

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TUESDAY TRAVELISTA: KING OF THE HILL IN A DEERE

4/16/2013

 
Dear Mr. J.D.,
 
Deere me!  That’s some showroom you have out there in Moline, Illinois. 
Picture
Jimmy was green with envy inside John Deere's shiny showroom, opened in 1997.
I have to admit, your showroom was not exactly my idea of a favorite travel destination, but my husband was so excited the day we visited your John Deere Pavilion that he couldn’t quit grinning from ear to ear (no, I’m not talking corn on the cob).  

I mean, take a look at Jimmy’s face.  Tell me that smile doesn’t come with enough sunshine to take the frost out of the back forty.

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TUESDAY TRAVELISTA: NO MORE CHUMP CHANGE, TSA!

3/12/2013

 
Dear Mr. TSA Milkman,

I gotta hand it to you; as far as conspiracies go, yours is a handsome cash cow at TSA.   You’ve been milking the public for years, right under our noses and under the guise of security.  It’s udderly ridiculous!  
Picture
Cha ching!

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TUESDAY TRAVELISTA: SHIP HAPPENS 

2/19/2013

 
************************************  MEMO  *********************************

     TO: Girls at Sea (G.A.S)
 FROM: Your Eternally Optimistic Travelista
     RE:  Ship Happens
 DATE:  One Week from Departure

 
Yes, girlfriends, grab your flip flops, sunscreen, and bio-hazard bags, because Carnival Cruises is making good on their promise of a free cruise.  I so need this time away.

Carnival Cruise has confirmed our reservations for four staterooms on their Calgon Ocean Breezes flag-ship vessel. I feel warm and bubbly all over just thinking about getting away.    

Calgon, take me away!
Picture

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TUESDAY TRAVELISTA: REALLY, BOEING! SPUDS?

1/8/2013

 
Dear Mr. Potato Head,

Well, this confirms my suspicions when it comes to my passenger status on your Boeing planes! I’m really just a sack of potatoes to you. I am deeply hurt.

There was Brian Williams of NBC Nightly News fame with shocking pictures and commentary a little over a week ago when the news of your SPUDS project leaked to the press.  Well, this is one passenger who is not going down with her seat belt buckled.
Picture
No way my legs are that chunky? Photo courtesy of Associated Press.

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TUESDAY TRAVELISTA ON VIENNA, AUSTRIA

12/18/2012

 
Dear Faux Pa Travel Friends,

It’s important when aspiring to be a world traveler that said traveler become familiar with local customs or risk life, limb and/or ridicule, not to mention your ambassador status as a U.S. citizen (although my advice works across the board for everyone, not just Americans).  Of course, you can save face by simply aspiring to be a complete ignoramus.  That way you miss all the second glances, rolled eyes, bent noses and panties in a bundle (did I just say that?!).  

Looking back, I can honestly say I thoroughly enjoyed my two days in Vienna last month.  Had I not been completely oblivious of Viennese culture, I might have worried more about making a good first impression as an American tourist to the detriment of having a fabulous time in Austria’s capital city.  Duh! It was great going about my visit oblivious to my cultural culpability. 

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