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BE BRAVE, BE WISE, BE A BEACON OF LIGHT

6/10/2016

 
Picture
Why would this visit be any different from the last?  Lately, every time I travel to Florida to spend time with my father I experience an existential crisis.   
   
Teetering on the edge of his mortality, his health rapidly failing, my 91-year-old father appears a lost soul looking to take flight.  I see surrender in his tired eyes and in the stoop of his once-broad shoulders; I hear resignation in his voice and in the shuffle of his feet; I feel withdrawal in his reluctance to engage the world at large and in each awkward hug ensconced in his frail and fragile frame.   

His vulnerability is palpable; so too is his lassitude. 

‘Hold on a little bit longer!’ I want to shout.  Be brave, be wise, be a beacon of light at the end of the tunnel.   Be my hero, be my dad! 

What do I know of saying goodbye? 

I know this is not my swan song; not my life, or my death.  

I know, too, with each visit, with each chance to bear witness to my father’s suffering and his letting go, that I grow more determined to be brave, to be wise, to be a beacon of light at the end of the tunnel. 

After all, sooner than I ever imagined possible, I’ll be the one barring the door.  It’s time I took up the torch. 
 
Joan
6/10/2016 10:39:36 am

So hard for you, but well said.

Sherry
6/18/2016 06:48:07 am

Life's lessons are certainly difficult at times.

Diane link
6/23/2016 11:52:43 pm

You are doing a good job of figuring it all out. The path is rocky.

Sherry
7/13/2016 02:14:20 pm

Amen.


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