2. I swear they’ve lopped off six inches of legroom since my last flight.
3. Whoever said ‘size doesn’t matter’ never flew coach.
4. Just once in my life, I’d like to fly First Class!
5. I’d like a full head of hair, too, and a body on the outside to match the twenty-
something talking nonstop inside.
6. Do they have to pack us in here like sardines!
8. I’ve never really cared for sardines.
9. Sardines smell, although not as bad as the guy sitting next to me smells.
10. Talk about slimy!
11. How did this guy get past security?
13. They waved him through so as not to make a stink!
14. Time to deploy the oxygen masks.
15. Especially given the thing-a-ma-jiggy on my airflow valve doesn’t seem to be
16. Maybe I could crack a window.
17. I think I’m going to be sick.
18. Do they still carry barf bags on airplanes?
19. I hate barfing.
20. First there’s the hours of misery waiting to barf.
21. Then there’s the dreaded moment of reckoning.
22. Wait; barf; repeat.
23. Dry heaves are the worst.
24. What the . . . ! No barf bag in the seat back!
25. “Excuse me, Miss, but I have a problem . . . “.
26. Oh, yeah, I saw that look on your face. I saw your nose go all wrinkly and your
eyes go wide after leaning over to ask Sardine to buckle up.
27. Come back! Please, please, please!
28. Don’t walk away with your nose in the air. You nose I need help!
29. What happened to ‘the customers always right.’
30. You’ve turned your back on real tears, Missy.
32. When I make a mess, it’s going to be your mess, too, Missy!
33. This is sheer madness!
34. I need a new seat! A seat in FIRST CLASS!
35. “Are you into March Madness?”
36. OMG! Sardine is trying to make small talk. Ugh!
37. Surprise, surprise! He knows nothing when it comes to oral hygiene, either.
38. I can’t do small talk and breathe out of my mouth at the same time.
39. Here’s to dumb blond impressions; and to ear buds and a good book.
41. That’s all you got?
42. I was a dumb kid back then.
44. You’re going to criticize a new mother!
45. Hey! It’s taken me a lifetime to evolve.
46. I’m still evolving!
47. I paid good money for this window seat and a single piece of checked luggage.
48. I deserve some fresh air as I evolve!
49. How about an upgrade to FIRST CLASS for one deserving evolutionary dumb
50. I bet they got fresh air in FIRST CLASS! And gracious flight attendants, too.
51. I’d give my firstborn right now for a seat in FIRST CLASS!
53. Who says money can’t buy happiness for at least a few hours.
54. Ahhhh, fresh air, now that we’re finally pushing back from the gate.
55. Forget that nonsense about firstborns.
56. But don’t forget, just once in my lifetime, it would be nice to fly FIRST CLASS!
57. Jump in anytime, karma!
58. For now, just follow your nose.
59. I'll be the one in coach barfing.